Yorkshire Counselling Services

Psychosexual and Relationship Therapy in York. Tel : 07841 354 305

Category: Young People

New Year a New You !

New Year can be a time to reflect on the past year or even issues going further back that have never been resolved and are holding you back from being the person you want to be.

Relationships sometimes like everything could do with an MOT just to keep things on track, maybe communication could be a bit better or perhaps your sex life isn’t what it was once and you want it to be part of your relationship once more.

Often we can get bogged down with the demands of day to day life, being a parent, work pressues and just trying to manage the day to day things and the relationship has got pushed down the priority list.

Or perhaps, depression, anxiety, low self esteem etc have held you back for to long now and you want to make changes to feeling more positive about who you are and to enjoy life again.

If you are young person and the worry of your GCSE’s are getting to much, things just feeling a little to overwhelming and you can’t talk to your parents and you are feeling alone with these feelings then talking to a neutral third party can help you.

Well it maybe time to address these issues and start the new year as you mean to go on, things from the past can hold us from moving forward and feeling positive about the future, if you are in need of some help and support then please get in touch.

 

 

Tips on Negotiating

An important area and one that some of us can really struggle with in getting it right whether it’s at work, with our partners, friends, family and our young people. This weeks blogs is looking as some things to consider and to identify whether you are someone who is a good negotiator or could be better at it!

A relationship takes compromise on both sides and how we go about negotiating our own position and to get an outcome that doesn’t leave the other person feel like they have lost or had to coincide can be really helpful.

Are you a Hard or Soft negotiator ?

Someone who is a hard negotiator will often be hard on the other person, insists that their position is correct and can bulldoze through objections and sensitivities – often leaving the other person defeated and not heard and that there point is never listened to.

Someone who is a soft negotiator will often result in the person willing to shift and move their position and cave into any objections that the other person may bring up in order of trying to maintain the relationship and to avoid conflict. This again can leave the person feeling that they are always having to compromise.

So how to avoid being one of the above!

What we want to be trying to be is what is called a principle negotiator – and this means we try to respect the other person and their position and circumstances, but does not lose sight of the issues and gets an outcome where both parties feel there points have been heard and listened to, this can help to build a better relationship when issues arise and need to be resolved.

  • Be assertive and practical but this doesn’t mean being defensive or aggressive
  • Don’t lose sight of the issue
  • Don’t send the other person on a guilt trip
  • Keep it simple
  • Bring in secondary arguments if required
  • Don’t be afraid to bargain
  • Know at the start what is your bottom line and how far you are prepared to shift
  • Don’t open with your bottom line as this doesn’t allow you to move in your position
  • It’s not about who wins but about both parties coming away happy with the conclusion
  • State clearly what it is you want
  • Listen to the other person and what it is that they want
  • Agree to meet in the middle
  • Don’t accept it if you aren’t happy with the outcome as this leads to resentments – say so !
  • Consider if you aren’t being flexible enough and are perhaps being to rigid

If you hit an impasse then take a break don’t let it escalate and agree to come back to it when things have calmed down. If you really can’t find a middle ground then what is going to be the minimum that you are willing to accept.

If you have any thing to add or helpful ideas on successful negotiation please leave a comment. Thanks for reading,

 

 

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