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Tag: negotiation

10 Tips for a good row!

Arguing and disagreements however solid a relationship, will happen from time to time, and it’s not so much about we shouldn’t have arguments, but more of when we do, how we resolve them in a good way which is important.

There is no doubt that there is a collation about how a couple argue and how these are resolved, which help maintain a healthy relationship. Some things to think about next time you are in an argument:

 

Choosing the best time and place – not having difficult or emotionally charged conversations if one of you is tired for example. Out in public might not be the best place either!

 

• Sticking to what the real issue is about – i.e. don’t make the argument about the washing up if the real issue is unsatisfactory sex!

 

 • Listen to each others’ anger, disappointment, sadness, or whatever else they may be feeling and without interrupting.

 

 • No one runs away – no one leaves before it has finished or goes silent, slams the doors or ‘uses’ tears.

 

 • Physical, verbal and emotional abuse / violence is never acceptable and totally out.

 

 • Avoid hitting below the belt – making it personal, dragging in others, name calling etc.

 

 • Not bringing up grievances from the past.

 

 • Not manipulating each other by withdrawing love or sex.

 

 • Not trying to be a winner and making the other person feel the loser….but to find a way through together.

 

 • Admit our mistakes, and start to look for a positive solution.

 

 

 

 Thanks for reading and maybe you have some thoughts you could share about what you do in these situations and what helps. Jason

 

 

 

Tips on Negotiating

An important area and one that some of us can really struggle with in getting it right whether it’s at work, with our partners, friends, family and our young people. This weeks blogs is looking as some things to consider and to identify whether you are someone who is a good negotiator or could be better at it!

A relationship takes compromise on both sides and how we go about negotiating our own position and to get an outcome that doesn’t leave the other person feel like they have lost or had to coincide can be really helpful.

Are you a Hard or Soft negotiator ?

Someone who is a hard negotiator will often be hard on the other person, insists that their position is correct and can bulldoze through objections and sensitivities – often leaving the other person defeated and not heard and that there point is never listened to.

Someone who is a soft negotiator will often result in the person willing to shift and move their position and cave into any objections that the other person may bring up in order of trying to maintain the relationship and to avoid conflict. This again can leave the person feeling that they are always having to compromise.

So how to avoid being one of the above!

What we want to be trying to be is what is called a principle negotiator – and this means we try to respect the other person and their position and circumstances, but does not lose sight of the issues and gets an outcome where both parties feel there points have been heard and listened to, this can help to build a better relationship when issues arise and need to be resolved.

  • Be assertive and practical but this doesn’t mean being defensive or aggressive
  • Don’t lose sight of the issue
  • Don’t send the other person on a guilt trip
  • Keep it simple
  • Bring in secondary arguments if required
  • Don’t be afraid to bargain
  • Know at the start what is your bottom line and how far you are prepared to shift
  • Don’t open with your bottom line as this doesn’t allow you to move in your position
  • It’s not about who wins but about both parties coming away happy with the conclusion
  • State clearly what it is you want
  • Listen to the other person and what it is that they want
  • Agree to meet in the middle
  • Don’t accept it if you aren’t happy with the outcome as this leads to resentments – say so !
  • Consider if you aren’t being flexible enough and are perhaps being to rigid

If you hit an impasse then take a break don’t let it escalate and agree to come back to it when things have calmed down. If you really can’t find a middle ground then what is going to be the minimum that you are willing to accept.

If you have any thing to add or helpful ideas on successful negotiation please leave a comment. Thanks for reading,

 

 

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